Like life, I suppose the purpose of my writing will ever change and evolve, and that’s ok. Change is ok. Two of my motivators for writing were to share some of the things I’ve discovered that have made my life simpler, to save money and to make more room for the important things in life.. I’ve had discussions with friends and family and they always seem interested (or appalled? :) to hear the cruchier side of my life; how I make my own deodorant, don’t use shampoo or conditioner, and how baking soda is for so much more than just baking. The other is to rediscover myself. Having children with an amazing man of God is one of the greatest blessings of my life. But, it has changed me. I feel like I no longer know who I am, and makes me wonder if I’ve ever truly known myself. Jeremiah 1:5 says “"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart…” God made us these wonderful, free thinking, emotion-filled creatures, and I had never taken the time to understand the person that he made me.
A question that’s come up more than once in our home:
Husband: “What do you enjoy doing? What makes you happy?”
Me: “Hmmm” LONG PAUSE “Can I think about it while I fold this pile of laundry, put the kids to bed, tidy up the living room, then figure out what to send for lunch with the kid tomorrow?”
Which brings me to some of the recent discoveries I’ve made about myself:
1. I need to take breaks.
It’s safe to say that my current life is consumed by my children. I don’t think that’s a bad thing; they are young and they require a lot of attention at this stage. It won’t always be like this, and I’m confident-much more now than before- that I’m cherishing this part of their lives, because I’m sure they’ll be begging for independence much quicker than I expect it. But as all young mothers know (and experienced mothers as well?), you have to take time to refresh yourself. To recharge. Or face the dreaded burn-out or complete melt-down.
I’ve come to realize that whether or not I think I need my night out, I need to get out of the house. It is without a doubt that if I skip my Tuesday night out, that come Wednesday morning it will be return of the burned-out mother.
2. I need my God time.
It is also safe to say, that with my current child-induced hectic lifestyle, that I need my spiritual time. Having a daily fifteen minutes is ok, but having that hour and a half of uninterrupted diving into His word is so amazing! Reading a passage and applying it to our lives today is worthwhile, but to look into the actual history and context of scripture, applies such significance to each event! Biblical events I’ve been taught over and over again throughout my youth have taken on entirely new meanings through application of historical knowledge and context. I’m so thankful to have been invited to an excellent bible study that happens every other Wednesday morning, and also provides child care. I look forward to church Sunday mornings, Fusion with the youth Wednesday evenings, and small group every other Sunday evening. The people I’m getting to know and the relationships developing are nothing short of uplifting and inspiring.
3. New vs Re-discovered Hobbies
I love reading. Always have, I just forgot. I wouldn’t go blaming the kids on this one either. Technology, specifically my phone with its applications and games, was so much easier to reach for. Book time got swallowed up by text twist and candy crush. So I’ve been making a visible effort to stop that tech habit. I love to read it all: fiction, nonfiction, self-improvement, how to’s... Now that I’m dropping kid #1 off at pre-k three days a week, I’m able to stop by the library on the way home. Free books=WIN! With an added bonus of avoiding piles of book-clutter in my home. My latest subject of interest has been the last Russian Tzar.
I love horseback riding. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, since I was a child. Yes, it’s an expensive hobby, but for one hour every other week, it’s got my absolute attention. You know how you can go out with a friend, and all you do is talk about your children? Or when you are out sitting and having coffee/tea and all you can do is worry about what the kids are doing? When I am riding, I’m focused on the horse; not how my husband is getting along with the three kids back home. Best distraction ever. I’m getting exercise, I’m learning something new, and I can say it’s a dream come true!
I’ve started writing daily. I guess you could call it a diary. Ideally, at the end of the day I sit and write about the events of the day. If I forget, I subject myself to writing about it the next morning, and wow is that more difficult. It takes a bit more thought to jog all the memories of the previous day. Like I said, end of the day is best. I feel like it’s the perfect way to wrap up a day. I see everything I accomplished and can rest, having it all recorded. I’m hoping I keep up with it. How fun it will be to read what life was like when my babies were babies!
I can cook. I was always more of a baker, and to tell the truth I’ve never had the attention span or discipline to follow recipes step by step. Yes, I do a lot of estimating when it come to measurement. Over the last few weeks, I’ve make a genuine effort to prepare a real recipe for dinner at least three nights a week, and most of them haven’t been half bad, to my surprise!
I love the idea of minimalism. Prioritizing. Less is more. Less to clean, less to maintain, more time to pursue the important things in life, which is, after all, short. I’ve even adjusted my way of thinking from “what is cluttering my home and life” to “what are the important things that I want to emphasize in my life?” Life becomes less about stuff and more about experiences and relationships.
4. I’m an introvert.
I sort of always knew this, but I never actually knew how much deeper the description goes. I always just sort of assumed that introverts liked quiet and didn’t talk much, but there’s so much more! Check out this article from Huffington Post on Introverts.
There was this moment of clarity, and I cannot find the article, where I read that introverts tend to be people pleasers, even naturally adjust their personality to suit the person they are speaking with.
Are they talking about me???
Yes, I do this, without even realizing that I do this. I think that’s part of the stress I feel when making small talk - it’s that while I’m trying to come up with small-talky things to say, my mind is also in the process of trying to figure out who this person is so I know what kind of things to say to this person so that they will be pleased, and not offended is some unidentifiable way. Really, it’s mentally exhausting.
Crowds terrify me. If there’s a large amount of people you can bet I’m trying to calm myself down so people don’t see me panicking. You may see me standing by myself but believe me, there is a full blown conversation going on inside my head at that moment. It took me a long while to adjust to the larger size of our new church, but once I began to get to know people, it’s been so much easier to cope. If I begin to feel overwhelmed, I can look around, pick out certain people I know, and I begin to relax. These aren’t strangers, these are my friends, my church-family. Distractions are helpful; so I’m relieved if I can help out in some way, and have a task to complete. In this way, children are also a blessing in disguise! Having them to focus on and keep track of gives me a break from crowd-stress.
And there’s still so much more “me” for me to discover! Have you learned anything new or rediscovered something about yourself recently?
Mandy
